"I wake up everyday and I think, 'I'm breathing! It's good day'"
- Eve Ensler
It's a good day today. I don't know why since nothing today is different than any other day, but today is a good day. In fact, I have finals coming up that I should be wholeheartedly studying for. I'm not as stressed this time around. Perhaps the levels of serotonin in me today is very high...Or maybe I've just gone insane. I suffer from depression and often overthink my life and feel as though my life is nothing but nothingness. Sometimes, we all just need to take a deep breath, and realize that we are alive and healthy. Being in the hospital environment has given me new appreciation to my life and all the lives around me.
This post actually all started with me trying to find a pair of new shoes. The salt and snow pathways last winter and the heavy rain this summer has worn out the same shoes I've been wearing for two years now. I really liked these shoes because they were given to me. I also like them because they are the most comfortable shoes I've had. The bottom layer of the shoe has completely been rubbed off, the insoles are shearing, and it makes a very distinct squeak with every step I make. I went online to search for this pair of shoes only to find that its expensive and out of my price range of shoes. I almost never spend very much money on items I don't need. I try not to think about it. I was spending time with a relative a few weeks ago when she showed me a pair of rain boots she wanted that was on sale. "On Sale" to me entails $5. She handed me her iPhone with the screen pulled up for a fancy $200 pair of rain boots. I was almost culture shocked at the difference between me, and her. Her perspective of 'cheap' was the equivalent of my 'very expensive'. But, that's beside the point. Let's move on to some stories I want to share about my eye opening experience as a volunteer in a hospital.
The Old Man
In the hospital, I volunteer as an ambassador to guide patients and visitors around the large complex. One morning, after I had just escorted a family to see their newborn grandson, I rushed back to the front desk. At the front desk, there was a senior man sitting in a wheel chair. He looked confused, and his English held a very thick accent. He extended his hand in my direction:
"Can you tell me where the emergency room is?" - he asked
" I can take you there if you'd like. Is there anyone with you today sir?" - I asked with the assumption that someone may have dropped him off to find a parking spot.
He looked down, "No."
One our way to the ER, he asked me is I spoke Chinese, and I replied yes.
He began telling me the stories of his childhood, and of how he came to america. At the ER, he struggled to tell the nurse about his knee pain and how he could no longer walk on his feet.
I was about to depart and go back to the front desk I came from, but he grabbed my arm and asked me if I could stay for a little longer. So I did, and I pushed him into triage and listened to him for a few more minutes. He was very excited it seems, that someone was listening to his stories. I was happy that this man was happy to share his stories with me. The nurse for triage came, and took him to the back. She asked me if I was with him, and I said " No, I just volunteer here."
"Thank you for bringing him here, we will take care of him now"- said said as she wheeled him to the back. He tried to hold on to my sleeve for a brief second before letting go, and that was the last I ever saw the man.
I remember walking out of the ER feeling very lonely. I wonder if he will ever be able to share his stories with someone as excited to hear them again. I wonder where his children were when he needed their assistance. I thought about how lonely his must have felt, to grow old.
The Red-Eyed Doctor
This doctor walked in the front door with his eyes puffy. His specialty was oncology (tumors). The lady at the information desk greeted him and asked him, "How is she today?". The doctor didn't say anything but just accepted a warm hug and walked towards the elevator. I later found out that his wife was suffering from cancer, and had only half a year to live. He had family-leave days, but he choose to come to the hospital to continue his work and treat his patients. I really look up to him.
There has been many encounters at the hospital such as this. I've watched grown adults burst out in tears, children crying because they understand a loved one is in pain, and the dread of not knowing if tomorrow will happen. I was frustrated at how this world was operated, I was frustrated even more at myself for complaining about my poor financial condition. This was when I was stressing over studying for another exam and calculating grade outcomes based on the amount of points I earned and how much more I could earn to get an "A". I lost it, I scratched my head and cried. I laid myself right on top of all my study papers and fell asleep.
Hours later, I was woken up by the sound of thunder and crashing rain. I didn't know what time it was, just that I had taken a very long and needed nap. I was compelled to run outside of my apartment, onto the pavement, and into the rain. It's funny now to think I awkward that must have been for other people to see. I stared at the gray morning sky, and down. What I saw was bare feet. My bare feet.
Bare feet can take me to places I want to go. I didn't need new shoes, I just 'wanted' new shoes. I don't need to be tied down by my own self doubt based on arbitrary letters. I have feet. And because I have feet, I can go to the places that I want to go. I can climb the mountains that I want to climb. It's a new found appreciation that I am alive so I can create a future.
I may not have wings to soar the heavens, but I have feet to help me undercover the world.
"I wake up everyday and I think, 'I'm breathing! It's good day'"
- Eve Ensler
It's a good day today. I don't know why since nothing today is different than any other day, but today is a good day. In fact, I have finals coming up that I should be wholeheartedly studying for. I'm not as stressed this time around. Perhaps the levels of serotonin in me today is very high...Or maybe I've just gone insane. I suffer from depression and often overthink my life and feel as though my life is nothing but nothingness. Sometimes, we all just need to take a deep breath, and realize that we are alive and healthy. Being in the hospital environment has given me new appreciation to my life and all the lives around me.
This post actually all started with me trying to find a pair of new shoes. The salt and snow pathways last winter and the heavy rain this summer has worn out the same shoes I've been wearing for two years now. I really liked these shoes because they were given to me. I also like them because they are the most comfortable shoes I've had. The bottom layer of the shoe has completely been rubbed off, the insoles are shearing, and it makes a very distinct squeak with every step I make. I went online to search for this pair of shoes only to find that its expensive and out of my price range of shoes. I almost never spend very much money on items I don't need. I try not to think about it. I was spending time with a relative a few weeks ago when she showed me a pair of rain boots she wanted that was on sale. "On Sale" to me entails $5. She handed me her iPhone with the screen pulled up for a fancy $200 pair of rain boots. I was almost culture shocked at the difference between me, and her. Her perspective of 'cheap' was the equivalent of my 'very expensive'. But, that's beside the point. Let's move on to some stories I want to share about my eye opening experience as a volunteer in a hospital.
The Old Man
"Can you tell me where the emergency room is?" - he asked
" I can take you there if you'd like. Is there anyone with you today sir?" - I asked with the assumption that someone may have dropped him off to find a parking spot.
He looked down, "No."
One our way to the ER, he asked me is I spoke Chinese, and I replied yes.
He began telling me the stories of his childhood, and of how he came to america. At the ER, he struggled to tell the nurse about his knee pain and how he could no longer walk on his feet.
I was about to depart and go back to the front desk I came from, but he grabbed my arm and asked me if I could stay for a little longer. So I did, and I pushed him into triage and listened to him for a few more minutes. He was very excited it seems, that someone was listening to his stories. I was happy that this man was happy to share his stories with me. The nurse for triage came, and took him to the back. She asked me if I was with him, and I said " No, I just volunteer here."
"Thank you for bringing him here, we will take care of him now"- said said as she wheeled him to the back. He tried to hold on to my sleeve for a brief second before letting go, and that was the last I ever saw the man.
I remember walking out of the ER feeling very lonely. I wonder if he will ever be able to share his stories with someone as excited to hear them again. I wonder where his children were when he needed their assistance. I thought about how lonely his must have felt, to grow old.
The Red-Eyed Doctor
This doctor walked in the front door with his eyes puffy. His specialty was oncology (tumors). The lady at the information desk greeted him and asked him, "How is she today?". The doctor didn't say anything but just accepted a warm hug and walked towards the elevator. I later found out that his wife was suffering from cancer, and had only half a year to live. He had family-leave days, but he choose to come to the hospital to continue his work and treat his patients. I really look up to him.
There has been many encounters at the hospital such as this. I've watched grown adults burst out in tears, children crying because they understand a loved one is in pain, and the dread of not knowing if tomorrow will happen. I was frustrated at how this world was operated, I was frustrated even more at myself for complaining about my poor financial condition. This was when I was stressing over studying for another exam and calculating grade outcomes based on the amount of points I earned and how much more I could earn to get an "A". I lost it, I scratched my head and cried. I laid myself right on top of all my study papers and fell asleep.
Hours later, I was woken up by the sound of thunder and crashing rain. I didn't know what time it was, just that I had taken a very long and needed nap. I was compelled to run outside of my apartment, onto the pavement, and into the rain. It's funny now to think I awkward that must have been for other people to see. I stared at the gray morning sky, and down. What I saw was bare feet. My bare feet.
Bare feet can take me to places I want to go. I didn't need new shoes, I just 'wanted' new shoes. I don't need to be tied down by my own self doubt based on arbitrary letters. I have feet. And because I have feet, I can go to the places that I want to go. I can climb the mountains that I want to climb. It's a new found appreciation that I am alive so I can create a future.
I may not have wings to soar the heavens, but I have feet to help me undercover the world.
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